@_@

I was reading through my blog posts in the past, out of sheer randomness. & I realised a very dramatic & drastic change in the way I perceive things & happenings.

HmM [."] so much has changed. I feel quite disconnected from the past me. Which I suppose is good, since I think I was quite terrible in the past. In quite a few ways.

But some things just... don't change.

I kinda miss choir... [."] miss singing in a choir with everyone. Especially my confidant Chewyan. I remembered how saddening it was for me when she was transferred to a soprano. somehow singing in k-box just isn't the same.

I used to envy Jingzhi & Lanli a lot. Becoz they had what I felt I could never have. Now I don't think there's that much to envy.

It's funny how you don't really think about the sensibility of your actions until you think back on them later on.

Am I a refuge of the past? Nah =.= *shrugs* But reading my past entries made me realise just how much God's grace is, & His love for me, even though I didn't know Him yet back then.

I still cry at the slightest things. I still feel most comforted when people pat my head when I cry. I still find it slightly irritating when others try to ask me what's wrong when I'm crying & having difficulties breathing or clearly not in the mood to talk. But I find it much easier to forgive them. I still release my feelings in the form of emotions. Just that I try to take care that they don't hurt anyone.

I feel sad for God sometimes, whenever I mistreat Him or am extremely petty to Him or bombard Him with my whines & complaints. (which is very frequent) I think I break His heart quite often. Yijun told me before that I speak of God as if He were my boyfriend. LOLS, but He's more important than that~