25th March 2008 (Tuesday)
Well... 2dae was another day of limping around. At 1st it started out alright, coz I looked at my leg & felt better & told myself, 2dae I will try 2 walk myself & rely less on others (: Coz though we nid 2 rely on others, it is impt 2 be self-reliant.
I cried myself 2 sleep last night. Coz last night my foot was really killing me. I kept massaging it but I felt nothing. nothing ... & it all seemed so hopeless & saddening. So I asked God why as I cried & was in despair. Then He granted me sleep after I finally got a bit of peace. I think it was His grace tat gave me tat peace I needed even though I wasn't exactly happy wif Him. Ok, tat was a lie. I was super upset wif Him.
So many ppl haf prayed for me regarding my right foot. Yet I wasn't seeing anything. I noe sprains take tym to heal but it was getting on my nerves. E inability to do wad I want to freely. E dependance on others. Even my mood was sumtyms affected. (lyk last night) & I really want to be a joyful person who juz ruminates happiness! Becoz I haf God by my side, & He is e God of joy! How on earth m I different frm a non-believer when I despair when I m in pain?! So it really bothered me but I couldn't stop being upset. But God did not want to let me wallow in sadness. I woke up feeling better. & somehow, more feeling had come back into my foot. I was so happy coz I tawt it was loads better ^^ I didn't even bother to bandage it. I was thinking, is ok 1 lahs (:
I went 2 sch early. Although I get 2 wake up later now tat my mum is kindly fetching me to sch & back. It's really one in a million tat my parents r so willing to drive me. Becoz normally if dey drive me dey go back home caught in e heavy peak hour jam. ): Den smsed me & got me all worried. Coz I woke up later than usual, I was afraid I wud be late. I told Den to cum early coz he hadnt signed e card for yuhui. then I thought he was there already & I was late, so I got quite upset wif myself for being stubborn n refusing 2 get out of bed even though it was tym to get out.
Then Fangyun & Pammie came to join me at e marquee. After tat I cudnt contact Yuhui. In e end, we didnt sing song for her, Pammie & Fangyun passed e gift + card to her. I was quite apologetic. Coz I wanted to make it memorable for Yuhui. Not juz anyhow pass e card. But so many ppl cudnt make it. But Thank God Yuhui was still very thankful for e gift & e huge card. I felt so happy when I saw her sms thanking us. ^^ It really makes me feel.... everything is worth it lahs.. e tym spent on getting e stuff, arranging everythg, making e huge card, getting ppl 2 sign card, carrying e big card around etc...(: Juz glad tt it made her bdae happier
She reminded me to tell her to seek her help next tym I'm preparing gifts again. Haix, Yuhui... u r so nice ^^ I think I shall do tat. A bit tired of having to do everything single-handedly... [".] but yahs..2dae I really realised tt my actions, speech really haf an impact on others...
We had class prayer meet 2dae. (every tuesday at sports comm when nobody is using it) & we shared so much more. Well... I didn't. I felt lyk all my prayer needs was encompassed in the healing of my foot. LOLS x) When yixiu shared wad she smsed me on sunday night, I really felt lyk, wow! I mean, I knew tt even though I was young spiritually, there r certain things tt I can do still. Yahs, then 2dae I got encouraged. Hon told me tat through me she realised tt yahs, sumtyms she takes ppl for granted. & tt she cares for her frenz more than she thinks she does. wow~ I didn't noe tat God could use me in so many ways! O.o I mean, I know I am His child & all that, but yahs... then Amanda told us tat there r certain ppl in ur life tat God places you in for you to plant tat seed in them. Somehow, u wield a certain influence others. It struck me so much. God, I really worry tat I have not been following Your plan. That I haven't been spending as much effort as I ought to be on evangelising. HmM [".] ugh @_@
2dae I really saw so much more clearly how my life has changed. Even though it has only been... about less than 3 months...But I saw e amount of empathy I had for others. I really wasn't lidat in e past. Lyk now when ppl tell me tat dey r upset, I wun be lyk last tym. Even if I care a lot 4 e person, my own problems will bug me down & I really wun be in e mood 2 care about him/her genuinely. I will seriously juz listen half-heartedly & say "Erm...Yahs... Right...I see..." -.- YES, I noe is bad. But now I really feel lyk I really genuinely care about every1 around me. & I dun take ppl for granted now. Lyk every act of kindness I receive, I m really sensitive to it. & I really thank them from the bottom of my heart.
anyway, at PE, e teacher was being quite difficult. I offered to take e attendance for Shaun. Coz Tim is our civics rep. But he went for H3. So Shaun our assistant civics rep will take. But normally for our class, e person sittting near e yellow line at e edge will take. Those who dun do PE sit there. So I really juz took it & marked for every1. In e end... I didnt really count properly lahs. So e teacher called Shaun over. He asked y wasnt he e 1 who was taking. Shaun said it was coz he came over & asked but I said no need. Which is true ok!!! he asked me if I needed help, I said I would take it coz I had nothing 2 do anyway. Then e teacher said tt he shudnt haf let me, tt he was shirking from his responsibility, & I had no right to take e attendance. Shaun explained & I testified, saying tat he was telling e truth. I really was e 1 who said I would take it. In e end, e teacher told Shaun to do 20 pumping.
He started doing wifout saying anything. & then I really felt so upset that I cried. becoz I felt sad for Shaun. I apologised to him but he didn't say anything. I really felt so terrible. Ok, sum of my classmates didnt understd y I cried over sumthing so trivial. But it was coz all I wanted to do was to help Shaun & in e end, it got him punished. & it wasn't even his fault! It was coz of me tt he was made to do that pumping which he didnt deserve! I really felt so upset for Shaun. Afterwards, he came over as he was walking past me to sit at e other side, & he smiled at me & I could tell tt he didn't want me to worry about it & it was really ok. I am glad tat he wasn't angry wif me. Becoz tat wud haf been terrible T.T I mean, it was all becoz of me lahs @_@ I felt so bad! But then I realise tt yahs... it's ok lahs (: Shaun isn't tat petty sort of guy ^^
*phew* hahas~then Sijie & Eve helped me to e care group venue. Which was on e 3rd floor T.T *sighs* Thank God for them. Then Eve & I had an hour long talk about faith & my walk wif God. B4 she left, she told me tt she wanted to pray for me,even though we haf already prayed in prayer meet. LOLS... So I said, ok~ & e words tt she spoke really juz reminded me tt I m placed in other's lives for a reason, & be it to encourage others or to bring sum1 closer to God, or juz 2 show others tt God is the one who enables me to do so much & be forgiving & more controlled etc, to glorify His name... & she told me, let ur walk be filled wif this passion to noe God tat u haf now. I hope so too (: Hearing Tim speak during prayer meet 2dae oso reminded me of so many things. Tat God really works in His own time & though His will might not be wad we desire, but it is really e best plan...
God, plz help Mikey pull through these tough tyms tt he's facing now. Let him depend on You & trust in You. Plz be dere to comfort his whole family... I know tat You will watch over them (:
Anyway, care group was great! e games was fun ^^ & e sermon was quite chim... [".] but is ok lahs... coz I nvr really read genesis properly b4 -.- this is e result of skipping books as & when I feel lyk it. LOLS =.=
2dae my left leg juz kept repeatedly experiencing cramps. Coz we were sitting on e ground & when I cross my legs, e blood circulation is really... T.T & I had put so much weight on my left leg for so many days! & then my right foot oso not much blood circulatn, really feel so T.T It sort of affected my ability to concentrate. I read a bit of Job (it's a book in the Bible for ur info, in case u din noe) lyk Chengying advised me to. & it really helped. Coz although I was in pain, I kept reminding myself, no... It is really not God's fault. Chloe, y do you blame your creator? HAIYO... & then I compared myself wif Job. Wah, seriously... I think wad is this pain compared to those tt Job went through?! & I think if he was still able to perservere, wad more me? & I reminded myself about how God blessed him back...
So somehow I was able to not be as negative as I would be. Hahas, which is an improvement for me coz I m really a whiny & I alwaz complain. In e past, it was to my friends, now it's to God. LOLS, but I think He's used to it lahs. Hope I can change this complaint princess characteristic of mine (: Shall pray about it.
Anyway thank God for my care group coz all of em waited wif me till I got in2 e cab safely & they walked wif me even though I was seriously very slow. & every1 was so busy & so enthu in hailing a cab for me. LOLS! So nice of em (: Haix, God, You alwaz place such great ppl in my life!!! Thank You so much ^^
