19th March 2008 (Wednesday)
Today... I woke up at e normal tym I wud wake up... even though we cud report to sch later than usual coz wednesdays start later (: I slept standing on the train. then I felt a desire to talk to God. So I grabbed tea from Mac's. (I haf nvr done this b4 in all my sch life & surprisingly, it was quite effective in refreshing me) then I walked to a quiet spot near our school & sat down as I sipped e hot tea & added sugar & stirred it etc, I began my talk with Him. & it lasted so long...Immediately, I really felt that gradual refreshment in my spirit. Then I took out my Bible & juz read & read the verses aloud. Coz yesterday during class prayer meet, Hon told me that she devoted 1 hour to praying, like... set aside it especially for God. & then she juz read & read. Coz Quiet Time we normally read, reflect then pray about it. (At least tat's wad I usually do) Tim commented tat it would really be very good. I was listening, & wondering how tat was like... HmM [".] So I read aloud the verses from Psalm. & I just read, reflect a bit, read somemore, & let everything just wash into me.
After reading for a long time, I prayed aloud. Which I dun usually do. Coz I duno y, praying is so natural when I pray with my thoughts & when I say it out, everything sounds a bit wrong & somewhat awkward @_@ lols x) yahs, I'm juz not used 2 praying out loud. Everything tat I wana say doesnt get across when I pray aloud. hahas~ xP I shall elaborate on my experience at class prayer meet. I prayed for Elliot. We prayed for each other in a clockwise direction. & my prayer was seriously very short & very unwise. UGH x_x & I prayed for him in my mind before that & it sounded nothing lyk what I prayed out loud. What I said was just so... @_@ I left out so many important things I wanted to say!!! T.T *sobs* Anyway, thank God for our class prayer meet. Coz it really gave me a lot of support. (: not that I dun already know what they told me. Somehow, it is so reassuring to hear it from them. & Eve has convinced me tat God does ask us to honour our parents. So see how lahs ^^ But yes, you must do something about it of course. Louis reminded me yesterday, trusting God is 100% man, 100% God. hahas~ xD Tim was really reassuring & what he said yesterday really struck me & is engraved in my mind. Thank God for the brothers & sisters in my class =)
I must have been quite abnormal in care group coz Sheppie & Louis asked me if I was ok. So did Xianjue. I was lyk O.o then 2dae I clarified it with Sijie. OhH I really dun look in2 people's eyes when I m thinking about stuff! LOLS I nvr knew @_@ hahas~ maybe tat was y. & I wasn't really talking. I wonder y... [".] ugh plz lahs if u saw our PE, u will understd completely. Is really very siao. I fell asleep e minute I came home last night. It is that tiring...& I was also thinking about wad Eve told me. Which made perfect sense but I kept wondering how on earth m I gona put it in2 action. How 2 start it & all tat... But then after this morning, I haf e answer. I shall wait for friday night.
Meanwhile, I m gona reset all my priorities right now. I will have to strike a balance. & now I realise tat my family should move up e positioning. So I'm shifting them up. & I m shifting my pdp up. We haf a super tight deadline. Performance is juz around e corner. & I'm supposed to organise everything, order people to do this & that exactly, co-ordinate everything, inform every1, get stuff done & discuss everything wif e director! So I m gona cast aside my other commitments temporarily. to direct & act at e same tym is really taking a toll on me. No participation in ChungShan Association stuff anymore. I really cant afford to do that anymore. I m also moving studies up. I haf neglected it long enough. mrs lofthouse was telling me tat I haf potential, my style can be improved if I rite more & practice more. & I'm going to spend more tym on my CSC. Coz I muz secure an A for this subject tat I m most confident in. & then Econs... Macro econs is really so much easier than micro. I think I stand a better chance at an A if I bank on it. & then admist all I muz seek God more often! CHLOE arh, u dun juz seek Him whenever u feel lyk it @_@ lols -.- sorry, God...but I alwaz talk to You what! It juz varies in productivity? *guilty look*
Okies, thank God for listening to me this morning... & all e other tyms (: I was a little upset wif Den yesterday coz I felt tat he totally didnt understand my helplessness, pain & sacrifices tat I haf to make when I choose to do something; less sleep which made me sleep in econs lecture even though I know perfectly well how impt international trade is,(I really stopped sleeping this year. until... all my commitments started piling up...now it's coming back) nvr do homework/revise. & I felt tat he completely missed my reason for doing stuff in a certain way. which was really quite unfair to him. Coz he didnt noe lahs -.- I explained to him already & we haf cum to a compromise that he & Diantha will cum early on tuesday. But yahs... I guess I am so unfair to Den! I feel so bad can?! How can I lidat =.= Anyway today I told God about it & I realised tat I m quite petty lahs. Coz he nvr say certain stuff doesnt mean tat he doesnt care or doesnt think much of it. Is really juz e way Den is. So I realised tat I haf been such a selfish brat who didn't see his side of e story. AAAHHH I'm so sorry! T.T Anyway, it's ok already, so I shall 4gif & 4get.
Pammie is so funny can ^^ Since when haf all e TEP people occupied a place in my heart? irritating lahs... I din even realise dey got inside until 1 day when I looked inside my heart & found all 10 of em inside. Chloe u silly girl... x_x
Anyway, jiayou Chloe~^^ *pats own head* LOLS x) eeyer.... so weird! .___. Btw, God, I pray that Sijie, Huiyi & Shaun will really join us when we go to Tim's chuch on Good Friday. & God, I pray that You will give me e strength to do all that I have in my power & that when I speak to my parents, I will speak in Your Word, & You will speak through me to them & make them understand. God, I pray that You might soften their hearts & I pray that they will understand that this is a very important aspect of my life. & God, even if somehow it doesn't work out, God, I pray that I will still do my part to seek You actively alone. Then again, I'm not alone. Coz You have blessed me with brothers and sisters who will be with me & help me along the way. & most importantly, God, I know You will be with me. You will watch over me & I pray that You will grant me joy & a heart of thanksgiving in all circumstances. I know You come not too late or too fast, so I will wait patiently. I thank You in advance with faith. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Here's a story Eve sent me. (:
Isaiah 65:24 - 'Before they call, I will answer'
This story was written by a doctor who worked in South Africa.One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny premature baby and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficultykeeping the baby alive, as we had no incubator (we had no electricity to run an incubator).We also had no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts.
One studentmidwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton woolthat the baby would be wrapped in.Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle,it had burst (rubber perishes easily in tropical climates). 'And it isour last hot water bottle!' she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk so in Central Africa it might bec onsidered no good crying over burst water bottles. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways.'All right,' I said, 'put the baby as near the fire as you safely can,and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts.Your job is to keep the baby warm.
'The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers withany of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told themabout the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the babywarm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle, and that the baby could so easily die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died.During prayer time, one ten-year old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt conciseness of our African children. 'Please, God' she prayed,'send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be dead, so please send it this afternoon.'
While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added, 'And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?'As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, 'Amen'? I just did not believe that God could do this.Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything, the Bible says so. But there are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from homeland. I hadbeen in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never,ever received a parcel from home.Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot waterbottle? I lived on the equator! Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door.
By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on theveranda, was a large twenty-two pound parcel. I felt tears pricking myeyes. I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing eachknot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly.Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out.Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make a batch of buns for the weekend. Then, as Iput my hand in again, I felt the.....could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out - yes, a brand-new, rubber hot water bottle.
I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could.. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, 'If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly too!' Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted! Looking up at me, she asked: 'Can I go over with you and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?'That parcel had been on the way for five whole months. Packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five month sbefore, in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it 'that afternoon'.
'Before they call, I will answer' (Isaiah 65:24) This awesome prayertakes less than a minute. Prayer is one of the best freegifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let'scontinue praying for one another !
'Father, I ask you to bless my friends reading this right now.I am asking You to minister to their spirit at this very moment.Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy.Where there is self doubting, release a renewed confidence to work through them.Where there is spiritual stagnation, I ask You to renew them byrevealing Your nearness, and by drawing them into greater intimacy with You.Where there is fear, reveal Your love, and release to them Your courage.Bless their finances, give them greater vision, and raise up leaders and friends to supportand encourage them Give each of them discernment to recognize the evil forces around them, and reveal to them the power they have in You to defeat it.I ask you to do these things in Jesus' name. '
'Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet.'
Reading this story brings me to recall what Tim said during prayer meet. Makes so much sense (: God rocks ^^ hahas~ xP
