Today I went to meet Siqi early in the morning at Kovan. anyway she gave me a fiction book from Zondervan! WOW X) I decided since i was going to be around that area, might as well go to the christian book shop in Heartland Mall on the 3rd floor called "Daily Gifts." Unexpectedly, I spent quite a long time inside looking at the books @_@ Okies, maybe not really that unexpected since I'm really a lit person =.=
I chose a book for Kangli as her birthday present. I know very well that she's not a lit person but because she's going to pioneer MJ, I decided... she was seriously going to need lotsa answers to questions that sceptical people ask about the Bible etc, so I got her a book that tried to answer those questions with God's Word itself. I thought it wasn't too bad a book. If it wasn't a gift, I would have read it myself so I can evangelise even more powerfully in the future! ^^
& then I was casually looking around, just browsing, with no intention whatsoever of getting a book for myself...until I felt so super compelled to pick up this book from Philip Yancey, this famous christian author. & I was like weirded out by the title "Disappointment with God." Huh? I was like, God, why do You want me to pick up this book? So I was like, okies since I already took it up, might as well browse through. As I was glimpsing through what the book was about I was really very interested to read it. It addresses mainly 3 questions: Why, if God is so hungry for relationship with us, does He seem so distant? Why, if He cares for us, do bad things happen? What can we expect from Him after all?
For a person who is at the high of the spiritual walk in which you feel super in tune with God & the Holy Spirit, this was like the most unlikely book I'll choose to read. But I think God was prompting me to buy it. I had set aside that sum of $$ for a new pencilbox. Then I realised, I can just continue using the one I'm using now, it's not torn or anything. Besides, it says "May God's love light your way" & it was bought even before I came to know God. So I decided... I'll buy this book.
Desperate to read it, I sat outside Popular on a bench & began reading. I read to page 84 & so far the insights are really amazing. When people backslide they often claim that God left them when they needed Him the most or because God didn't show any results/blessings despite them trying very hard to do His will or He took everything away from them. The author points out that all this points down to disappointment with God. Even small prayers unanswered can become a hindrance to our spiritual growth. & he tries to look at it from another perspective.
If God really shows Himself to us (YES, visually so that we can see Him) & shows His power to us in miracles like parting the Red Sea, healing all the sick & poor etc... do you think we will have more faith? Will we love God more? Or love His miracles & signs more than Him?
The author looks back at the Old Testament... God is like a parent with children who keep disobeying Him. they have all seen His miracles & the cloud that represents His presence but did that create an environment for faith? No, I don't think so. They found things to complain about anyway. About eating the manna everyday that it was getting sian to them. they thought of the "good old days" when they were slaves in egypt where they had varieties of food.
After thinking about it, I don't think God showing Himself & intervening so obviously in His people's lives then aided their growth & made them love Him more...the book also made me realise HEY how does it feel like to be God? to be scolded & doubted by His people even though He did so many things for them! Even sending Jesus on the cross to die for us didn't seem to be enough for us to love Him. By creating humans with free will, He was limiting Himself & He did all this out of love. Because of a desire to be loved by Man. WOW that is so powerful. A totally powerful & sovereign God limiting Himself for us! What did Man do that we are valued over every other living thing/even the universes that God has created? Why are we the only one He breathed life into?
I can't wait to read the parts behind (: Thank God for the book. LOLS Junwei & Apinun saw the book title & they were like, WHOA why are you disappointed with God? =.= I'm NOT lahs, gosh! -.-" i think another of the reasons I picked up this book is because I really want to understand why people feel far way from God sometimes. Because I believe nobody is always faith-filled 100% or 200%. there are always down times when rejection or trials come our way. Christian life is not a bed of roses. It's just how we tide through them with God.
Pray that God will continue to speak through the book. Also the book always goes back to God's Word, which I thought was very essential.
Today's service was good, I really feel God in my Spirit stirring! ^^ I pray that I can reach a even higher level of faith & worship (: God, please please please use me in 2009!!! I want to do things that I've never ever done for You!! I want to be used by You powerfully! I want to serve You more than I've been doing this year!
I think two of my favourite words in the Bible are Faith & Grace. Grace that frees us, Faith that keeps us going. I pray that 2009 will be a faith-filled year, I will really go out & accomplish great things for God because God is with me. God, I really want to grow to be a courageous woman of God like Esther! USE ME!! USE ME!!
I want to be the seed that falls on the good and arable soil. I want to hold true to my promises to You. never will I look back at the times I've failed, the past is over & I'm straining towards the goal ahead!! God, grow me! 2009 will be a year of many many breakthroughs & many obvious transformation in my life! ^^
thank You for catching my soul when I was struggling to breathe & making me whole (: