Lost touch
I'm abit saddened now because I've realised how far I've drifted apart from my sec sch friends only today T.T when I talked to Hweeli & realised that oh no, we really haven't talked in such a long time. Bbt also... she's still the same, always never take good care of herself & make me worry! @_@ *pouts* & I haven't talked to Huiyi, even on msn in ages. But tat's partly because I really think msn is so x_x & distracting & induces my unproductiveness =.=
Now I suddenly understand. Why Hweeli doesn't show her emotions even though we really do know each other well enough.
I really miss all the fun times we had together in anderson sec.
It's so hard to meet up nowadays. Hweeli's birthday was in June but up till now, I haven't had the opportunity to pass her the gift. Hweeli & Bbt met up on our church JC anniversary day. I was supposed to join em, I really wanted to go see them. But then I decided that I would obey God.
We're going to enter our study break. JUMP is this friday. I don't deny that I'm quite disappointed. Is it the way I do things? I don't deny that I'm scared & afraid of what others think. But then, I realise, like what Louis said, ask yourself, is God worth it?
Tat's a rhetorical question.
I love Mrs Lofthouse (: today we finished 8 boxes of pizza. & she spoke to us about how she felt about our class & how it is indeed a joy teaching us. For her genuine love for our class, & her effort to know every single one of us personally & to help us in our studies. & for her experience and advice and patience & ability to see through our imperfections to our potential and the goodness in us ^^ We're not an easy class to teach because we're so dynamic & 'artsy'. We're such a queer mix of personalities that you can be either really irritated with us or really love us to bits.
God, I'm really @_@ now. I don't understand how niceness can be interpretated into something so =.= & how friendliness can be weird. It doesn't bother me that much what others think, what really bothers me is, the barrier it will create. will & has already created [."]
We are not the ones fighting the battle, God is. We are mere instruments of His will. I think in God's eyes, 100% can be a higher 100%. More, more & more. So I can never say I gave 100% because with Him, our 100% must be higher & higher each time. & undeniably, I started e momentum really 'on' & enthu then I died off & then I tried to pick it up again. So... 100% the whole time? I don't think so=.=Repent... T.T I have not been blessed with J1 friends. I only have these few. & 'whacking' has not been as fruitful due to the misunderstandings it has caused. I can't imagine end of year when everyone is celebrating & we are sad because we have not completed CG08. But then.... Let Your will be done, Lord. We can intercede, we can pray, we can whack, but ultimately, You are the reason why people will join us & stay. The attraction of any caregroup will not be able to last long without God because when difficulties or misunderstandings ensue, it's a heart for God & a desire to know Him that pulls us through.
I don't know what else God will challenge me to do, but if He asked me to do it, He will not abandon me as I do it. It's whether I will abandon Him & try to do it without Him.
I thank God for my study bible because somehow, even Numbers can speak volumes to me. I'm glad I didn't wait for me to finish reading the whole Bible before getting it, because I will really be very discouraged to read Old Testament. Also, God is very intelligent. He knows that I will say "God, I really don't understand lehs" then try to debate my way out when I never do QT. So He blessed me with it, then now I got no excuses. Okies, Chloe is a bad child x_x yah lahs, I know [".] So I decided to carry my study bible to school so that I will think, "Wah, I carry all the way to school lehs! Don't read??? Then I carry for what?" Hahas, so far it's working extremely well (: & QT is more & more productive than ever b4, as usual.
Si mi lai ei? (What is this in hokkien) Sijie & I have been trying to kick the habit of saying 'what is this.' But hokkien is abit unglam
HAPPY BDAE to XINYA & NIA (: My crazy daughter gave my crazy son a cigarette! OH MY!!! T.T sobs! My dear children, please don't smoke, you'll really break my heart & my lungs (possibly, coz of 2nd hand smoke) lols~ xP
God, I wish/pray for a sheep by the end of this year!!! x) Can I wrestle with Your angel or something? @_@ Chloe, can you please grow faster & faster & faster, at super alarming exponential rate? I must be more desperate to know Him than I am now.
