Had a great week
WOW I'm back after... more than 1 week (:
Hahas looks like blogging isn't that important to me anymore, not a good idea to fast from blogging coz there's no pain, hahas~x)
I have officially reported at Chongfu Primary School. & yahs, the relief teachers are paid more but the Teaching Intership is more special cause we get to observe other teachers' lessons. Mr Lim, Natalie's (the other intern in Chongfu with me) supervisor has already approached so many teachers & arranged for us to observe their classes. So I'll be observing maths, science, art english classes of other teachers.
So far this week I've been observing my mentor Mrs Low. She's very understanding & I suspect she lets me off abit earlier on certain days because I told her that actually I am not able to stay so late because I need to go back to TJC on weekdays to pioneer. Yah I can't believe I told the truth but it was what I had to do. & I don't think God will have wanted His child to lie. & it was quite humiliating cause I was so agitated & filled with the conflicting responsibilities of my job & pioneering that I had tears in my eyes when I talked to her. I wonder if she'll let me take a day off to go for the orientation @_@ Ops I seem to be pushing the boundaries. God, I know You will make a way for me! I have no idea how but God... AAAHHH if You really let me be used by You in this, please, please, please help me!!! T_T
Mrs Low asked briefly about extending the internship after 20th Feb. I really pray that I can stay on. I mean the pay's not exactly that good, but that's not really why I'm working anyway=.= I don't need as in, really 'dying need' the money. It's really entirely more for experience & so that my parents won't say that Chloe is a lazy person just totally living off her parents & going out to church events to spend their hard-earned money. & I guess it's the only job I know that I don't need to to work on saturdays/sundays & can go for church meetings which are mostly at night/ in evenings.
But then I was thinking of what J-Loh said. If you're really committed about this, you will find a job that can allow you to go down to pioneer. GOD, PLEASE LEHS! Please make a way for me T_T I really want to extend the internship lehs. But if it totally clashes with pioneering, & I can't go for most outings or go down to TJ itself, then of course without question I will chuck it.
But then I will still need a job =.= I wonder what job is so flexible that I can choose when I want to work & not go if I can't make it & it earns enough... [".]
God, I'm really very contented with this job (: My supervisor is nice & I think the kids are already starting to grow on me & I believe I will like them even more as I really go in & teach them starting from monday onwards.
Okies lahs, worry so much for what? Let God be God~ He will have His perfect plan one since He was the one who divinely placed me in a primary school in the first place ^^ God is in control.
I'm so looking forward to Chinese New Year ^^ Pineapple tarts! speaking of which, Liying makes really amazing pineapple tarts!! xP yum yum~~~ am going to her house on thursday night after work with Liting to practise worship.
I've NEVER ever led worship before. I really think God is throwing me to die. Figuratively speaking of course. In my new caregroup of core team/careleaders... It's really not even apt enough to say that it's intimidating.
Louis was telling me not to be afraid & just be Spirit led. UGH stop telling me to be Spirit led, how to be Spirit led when I really think I will be trembling like siao. I felt like !!!! & like rolling my eyes at him when he told me before we went for corporate prayer meet at suntec on friday night. But then before I allowed my "Please lah I'm new, you've done it a million times" mindset to come out in my words to Louis, I realised, actually it's not like the Holy Spirit is a foreign stranger to me. I mean, come on, He lives in me lehs! & it's not like I've never felt the Spirit's stirring & His power in me. It's just... never when I lead worship lahs =.= because I've never led worship at all anyway -.-" Thursday will be a leeching session when I leech all the skills from Liying / Liting (: God, seriously lehs, without You right, I will just DIE & tremble & stutter & freak out next next wednesday at caregroup. So PLEASE help me !!!! I totally can't do it on my own T_T Thank God for the two "Li's" especially Liting who I am totally counting on to help me if anything goes wrong.
Okies I'll never learn by saying I wana do this for God, I wana do that for God but sit at home all day rotting & serving in my comfort zone. So I guess this is a good time for God to mark my words & test my sincerity in serving Him more.
Seriously, God takes everything I take very seriously, especially areas like, Heys God I wana grow, Heys God use me please. It's definitely a good thing.
Hahas, I smsed Shuying today & she says, 31st councillors are going back for orientation this year so she told me if I wana go back for orientation, it doesn't even count as crash, I can just go. WAHOO Praise God ^^ God, You have to please make a way for me~! I really wana go back!!! If not all 3 days at least 1 day... PLEASE!
LOLS actually I don't even know if I'll be pioneering TJ though I really think it will be most efficient if I am placed in TJ because the school is familiar to me. But my ways are never higher than God's ways so I just obey bahs~
I want to thank God for Tim for organising our meetup for class prayer group last sunday. that night I felt so strongly that I finally could see Yixiu baring her heart out. I brought out "Disappointment with God" by Philip Yancey & lent it to her on top of the other book which was her birthday gift. I pray that she's not irritated by that book title. Xiu is disappointed in the church system & in God for allowing things to happen, for allowing the shepherd to be struck & the sheep to scatter. for me, the way I see it, I think... no church is perfect. & spiritual walks should never be too dependent on shepherds coz Psalm 23:1 says The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. & that's where everything Louis warned me about emotional dependency comes in.
For me the solution is just so simple. Just trust God lahs. Because you know everything else or everyone else will fail you one day, trust ultimately in God & cling onto Him. In the meantime, continue to love others like God loves us & allow yourself to be vulnerable. Because no matter how badly people hurt me, I know I am still loved very much by God. & I believe that is enough for me.
But then not everyone is wired the same. It's just like how God will not tell me, Chloe you suck. Unlike how He might tell the guys. (I've always found this really interesting cause God really is super good at relating to His children cause He knows exactly how to speak to them) it's just like how I will tell God, hey God I love You lehs & I want a tiara endorsed by You when I see You face to face in heaven. LOLS this always makes my tjc caregroup members go LOLS & =.= or look at me incredulously.
I will miss chengying lahs, just like I am missing Den now. But temporal separations will be over soon. & I believe both of my brothers in Christ will grow so much in NS group^^ they'd better man! Or I will really be so -.-" with them. & they'd better read the books I chose specially for them!!!! or I will be so sad xP hahas~ *Oh yahs, CY you can take your time to read "Out of your comfort zone" that I lent you, I don't think I'll be wanting to read it anytime soon yet. I'm kinda trying hard to plan out a reading plan for my other books*
K lahs, will continue to pray for both of them. & embrace my new caregroup! ^^ YAY~ One body many parts. & we all share the same heartbeat for Christ & speak the language of love for Jesus. Even if cannot click, will click one.
